25 min sit in the evening

Release of tension, vibration at the third eye, relaxation, contentment

Light, release of tension, peace, bliss, widening of the awareness

Very slow progress through the dukkha nanas:

moving pressure at the left shoulder blade (under the skin)

constriction of the throat

uncomfortable feeling at the lower back (right side)

irregular vibrations at the third eye

pressure at the chest

sharp pressure (pain?) at the lower back (left side)

uncomfortable feeling at the lower back

Release of tension, light, space, floating, vibration at the third eye, observing the vibrations

45 min sit

Pleasure, release of tension, pleasure, joy

Joy, light, feeling good, pulsing, smiling

Bliss, letting go, vibration at the third eye, peace, expansion

Irregular vibrations

Release of tension, space, equanimity, vibrations, flickering

At first I thought that I must be falling asleep as I felt like melting. The light increased and I felt the vibrations get stronger. It was as if I was watching everything from a spot situated at back of my head. The feeling was pleasurable and I became slowly aware that I had somehow shifted to the Witness. No effort was needed to maintain that state and I observed the flickering at the third eye. After some time the Witness melted away and I was just sitting in peace.

30 min sit in the train

I walked from work to the train doing mindfulness practice on the way. As I sat down in the train and closed my eyes, 11^th nana opened up at once. The meditation developed into more subtle states and eventually I started to fall asleep.

30 min sit in the evening

I feel gross vibrations on top of the head descending down the body, joy and happiness. Momentarily mind wandering, remembering thought, pressure at the back, then the vibrations turn more subtle, enjoyment, strong currents of energy flow at the right side of my back between the root chakra and the head, strong flickering at third eye and twitching of the body. Feelings of bliss, vibrations turn irregular then peace, expanding, light, vibrations, very strong vibrations and flickering at third eye.

I study the flickering and I feel moving down the jhanic arc in the background. I feel strange pressures moving under my skin like insects at my left shoulder blade. I go down the arc and rise up again. The energy gets more intense, vibrations, flickering and twitching, and I am rising up the arc fast. At the equanimity I observe the energy building up, intense vibrations, feeling of bliss, sharp exhalations, absorption. Then suddenly I slide down the arc very fast back to 1^st nana.

 

30 min sit in the train

I noted mostly solid sensations: heaviness, irritation, tension, pressure, dissatisfaction, aversion, constriction of the throat, fatigue, release of tension, discomfort. Just at the end of the sit I noted lightness, peace and release of tension.

On noting

I have found noting to be very valuable method for off the cushion mindfulness practice. I started to develop mindfulness slowly by first doing it at times when I was not distracted by any outside influences like when going to work, walking with the dog, filling the dishwasher or brushing the teeth. As the noting vocabulary develops and the ability to quickly recognise sensations, emotions and thoughts as they arise becomes easier, one can do it while working, in dull meetings, watching movies or even while talking. I think it is especially important to continue noting even when falling asleep, as it continues the mindfulness through the night and when dreaming.

Even noting with words can be dropped as the concentration develops and just noticing instead. At best all the sensations form an integrated experience with little room for thoughts. Even the sense of self seems to dissolve leaving just sensations arising and passing on their own. When the mind is not calm or outside distractions make it harder to concentrate I just turn back to noting with words. I have found myself doing noting from the moment I wake throughout the day as much as possible. Sometimes I forget it, especially when working, but it easily comes back during the coffee brake or when walking to a meeting.

Dream Experience

What a strange experience I had last night.

I remember a dream full of light. There was a surge of energy and I was shaking violently. Energy started to build up, vibrations, bliss and excitement. I had no idea if I was awake or not but I remember thinking that something wonderful is about to happen. The shaking was so violent that I thought that it will wake up my wife who slept beside me. There was a strong wave of bliss and the shaking stopped. I do not remember much more except a feeling of great relief.

[Edit: This experience was without a doubt A/P event of my second insight cycle even though at first I took for a second path event.]

40 min of sitting after asana practice

This sit felt different from the ones I have been having lately. It started from 4th nana and the jhanic arc took me fast to 8^th jhana and back to 4th nana in reversed order. The same cycle repeated second time. There was a lot of vibrating and flickering all the time, but I did not investigate those sensations further. I just watched the jhanas arise and pass grooving on the sensations. Sitting felt very relaxed and easy and everything just happened on its own. When I was in 8^th jhana the second time, I tried to induce a fruition by concentrating on the third eye. There was this distinctive feeling of bliss and building up of energy, but the fruition did not happen.

Presently I seem to have very little desire to sit, but I went for the cushion out of curiosity. It was very clear that I started at 4th nana: there were a lot of gross vibrations, flickering and all that. Actually it was as if all the sensations were suddenly perceived as vibrations of some sort. Anyway the currents were strong and the body was twitching and jumping. As I went through the dissolution, the quality of the vibrations changed to more subtle. It really became interesting when I slowly went through the dukkha nanas. The vibrations became irregular and their location changed all the time with some very interesting tingling/prickling sensations at the back of the head, neck and upper back. Everything smoothed out when I arrived at the equanimity.

The journey then continued through the arupa jhanas to 8^th jhana where I wished to have a fruition. I turned my eyes to the third eye watching for the stops in the flickering. The energy started to accumulate and the bliss waves came. Then all of a sudden the energy level changed and as the bliss faded I found myself in1^st jhana unable to comprehend how that had happened. Just to make sure I let the arc take me back to the 8^th jhana again and the same event repeated, except in a less dramatic way. All that I felt was a small jolt and some muscles twitched and there I was at the 1^st jhana. Very undramatic.

Vibrations

There is not much to tell about my sitting practice nowadays, as all the sessions are very similar to each other. The jhanic arc ends up soon in equanimity where I practice the Wheel for the rest of the session. Sitting feels nice and I head for the cushion as often as possible. During the sitting there are a lot of vibrations, flickering and strobing. Usually the energy starts to move during the relaxation after the sitting, but sometimes there are waves of tingles and energy currents during the sitting also.

It is easy to get to the wide attention concentration during the meditation and thoughts are mostly absent. On the other hand at times it is hard not to fall into drowsiness or even asleep.

Kundalini activity

There has been an increased Kundalini activity during the past week, like tingling on top of the head or at the base of the skull during normal daily activities. Sometimes energy can be especially active when lying on the bed in a relaxed state of mind. As I do conscious relaxation after asana practice and meditation I experience jolts of energy and vibrations and sometimes strong currents flowing in the central channel. I take it that these are signs that good things are happening.

 

Off the Cushion

My off the cushion mindfulness practice seems to have developed further since my solo retreat. It has started to become more seamless and integrated. As I walk on the street I notice body sensations, feelings and thoughts effortlessly without noting. The awareness widens to include them all, the tensions disappear and I feel completely at ease. There is just being and noticing, the boundaries dissolve. It feels good and simple ordinary things feel pleasurable. In the evenings I may feel tired and irritable, but those feelings are integrated with rest of the experience and it is not a problem.

 

Solo Retreat DAY 2

4.00 – 5.45 Ashtanga vinyasa practice

5.45 – 6.45 Sitting

6.45 – 7.00 Relaxation

7.30 – 8.30 Sitting

8.30 – 10.00 Walking meditation

10.00 – 11.00 Sitting

11.00 – 11.15 Relaxation

12.00 – 12.30 Sitting

12.30 – 13.00 Walking meditation

13.15 – 14.00 Sitting

14.00 – 14.20 Relaxation

15.00 – 15.45 Sitting

17.00 – 17.30 Talk with Kenneth

60 min sit after asana practice

I end up in Equanimity in couple of deep exhalations, release of tension. It feels like a free fall through space and light. I notice vibrations and flickering around the eyes and start doing the Wheel. I get to relaxed state of mind and follow the changing vibrations, pulses and flickering around the third eye making very slight adjustments to the positioning and pressure of the attention. During relaxation I am completely enveloped in cool tingling energy.

60 min sit

It was very similar to the previous sit. I learned that after doing the Wheel for some time, it is possible to go deeper by dropping the attention below the horizon line and stay on the samatha side for a while before gently raising the attention back to the sweet spot.

The retreat is coming to an end and I have very little desire to sit. The sits are nice, except my back is aching and I feel dullness. When I am laying down in savasana after sitting I am buzzing and vibrating and sometimes getting jolts of energy followed by bliss. Other times I am spaced out somewhere between waking and dreaming.

 

Solo Retreat DAY 1

4.00 – 5.30 Ashtanga vinyasa practice

5.30 – 6.15 Sitting

6.15 – 6.30 Relaxation

7.30 – 8.30 Walking meditation

8.30 – 9.15 Sitting

9.30 – 10.15 Sitting

10.30 – 11.00 Walking meditation

It was easy to maintain panorama attention during the asana practice, although the mind tended to wander unusually often.

45 min sit after asana practice

I started with noting: release of pressure, tension at the third eye, release of tension, imaging thought, waiting, investigation, rising and falling, waiting, strange vibration/pressure at the left shoulder blade, dullness. It felt like I was surrounded by grey fog. There was feeling of confusion as there seemed to be very few objects note. I noticed some vibration around the eyes and started to observe it without noting. There was faint flickering of the mind and some tactile pulsing at the third eye. There were also some auditory components to the flickering but I tried to focus on the tactile sensations. At some point the vibration turned into steady pulsing sensation at the third eye. The mind wandered often.

The vibrations vanished and I turned back to noting. I was feeling sleepy and there were a lot of dream like imaging thoughts or even bits of dreams. After some time I managed to start the fluttering again and brought the attention to the borderline between samatha and vipassana. The vibrations, pulsing and fluttering around the eyes and the third eye were very subtle and mind was wandering, drowsiness, tingling of the arms, sleepiness, mind wandering.

45 min sit

Noting:

• Worrying thought
• Tension
• Interest
• Pressure (left shoulder), release of pressure
• Imaging thought
• Planning thought
• Odd pressure/vibration (left shoulder blade, unpleasant)
• Tension (left shoulder, unpleasant)
• Pressure (chest, unpleasant), pressure, pressure, pressure, release of pressure
• Vibration around the eyes

The Wheel:

• Raising the attention towards the third eye, gross flickering
• Lowering the attention, searching for the sweet spot, more subtle vibration (third eye)
• Release of tension, lowering the attention
• Observing the flickering which turns more and more subtle
• Switching to noting when the vibrations vanish:
• Release of tension, expansion
• Light increasing
• Focus widening
• Sense of ease
• Peace, release of tension
• Blurring of the outlines of the body
• Vibration, Flickering

The Wheel:

• Observing the subtle vibrations and flickering around the third eye

45 min sit

Aversion to sitting. This is the downside of solo retreats, no one to push you to the cushion. I stare at the cushion for some minutes before starting, but when I sit down, immediately feeling of ease and releasing of tension. Lightness increases and focus widens peace and some subtle vibrations, enjoyment. Flickering appears and I start to follow it.

I follow the flickering of the mind for some time and I start to feel discomfort at different parts of the body and think to stop sitting. Then soon after: sense of relief, letting go, tension drops, enjoyment.

The flickering fades away and I start noting. For some time there is a nice spacious feeling and sense of ease. Then discomfort starts at the lower back, tightening of the shoulders, discomfort moving to the left side, then changing into pressure at the left shoulder. The pressure starts to pulse at the left shoulder steadily and this leads me into deep concentration. With interest I follow all the tensions and discomfort appearing and disappearing again in different places.

After some time discomforts and pressures drop away and disappear, feeling of peace. I start to follow very fast and subtle flickering of the mind, release of tension, lightness.

12.00 – 12.15 Sitting

12.30 – 13.15 Sitting

13.15 – 13.30 Relaxation

13.45 – 14.15 Walking meditation

14.30 – 15.15 Sitting

16.00 – 16.45 Sitting

16.45 – 17.00 Relaxation

17.00 – 18.00 Walking Meditation

18.00 – 18.50 Sitting

15 min sit while waiting for the food to be ready

As soon as I close my eyes, all the tension drops away, expanding, light, equanimity, lightness, peace, contentment. I follow rapid flickering/pulsing of the mind at the third eye.

45 min sit

Riding the jhanic arc between nanas 1-11 and back. Although I am doing the Wheel, the arc is very strongly felt. Third nana and the dukkha nanas make my back squirm in discomfort. The progression of the nanas goes fast and I complete many cycles during the sit. Several consecutive sittings are very similar to each other.

50 min sit

I watch very subtle flickering of the mind. As I get deeper and deeper into concentration, body sensations grow fainter and I have no idea if I am moving through the nanas or not. Sometimes the flickering turns into pulsing of the third eye and I am swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the beats. I adjust the attention a bit and find ultra fast and very subtle flickering of the mind, energy building up and sense of bliss. There is no tension and no effort, just pleasant absorption.