On vacation, staying at my mother’s birthplace in the wilderness and preparing myself for the upcoming one week dark retreat in November. YOn vacation, staying at my mother’s birthplace in the wilderness and preparing myself for the upcoming one week dark retreat in November. Yesterday evening after sauna I swam in the swamp lake and the fear was back. With my head under water, the dark muddy water under me was like a bottomless abyss. Then floated on my back, blissfully gazing at the sky, heart racing and moths colliding with my face.
Regular sky gazing during the vacation has deepened my practice considerably and kept the door ajar for openness, transparency and sacredness of everyday experience that was previously only briefly glimpsed. At times the visual field is almost like a thin illusion on the surface of the eyes, projected from within.
The idea for a retreat in a total darkness has appealed to me for many years, however I feel that only now I may have the capacity to fully benefit from it. Although I do not have a fear of dark in everyday situations, there is something about the idea of practicing in inescapable darkness for an extended period of time that unnerves me. I am reminded of this during occasions when I may get a sudden feeling of panic meditating with my eyes closed. In the total darkness opening the eyes would not really change anything. On the other hand, I feel that the dark retreat would have a great potential for enhancing the experience of clear light for me.
Inspirational books for a dark retreat:
- The Practice of Dzogchen in the Zhang Zhung Tradition of Tibet
- Self Arising Three Fold Embodiment of Enlightenment by Shar rdza bKha’ shis rGyal mtshan
- Wonders of the Natural Mind by Tenzin Wangyal
- A Western Approach to Tibetan Dark Retreat Meditation by Martin Lowenthal
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