Mahamudra and Dzogchen Retreat Part II: Aspects of Rigpa

During this guided  meditation the mind was clear as a diamond and responded to all verbal instructions in a split second. The awareness was directed to the source of all instead of appearances out there. The ground aspect of rigpa was unshakeable and vast beyond vastness. This view was the starting point.

Once the ground aspect had matured, the mind started to naturally gravitate toward the appearance side of awareness. What used to happen to me earlier before the retreat was that the recognition of the lively manifestations of awareness was not strong and the mind would soon lose the sight of empty essence once thoughts and appearances start to take the centre stage. Now the three special states of luminosity, non-coceptual stillness and bliss started to arise strongly. Everything was transparently lucid resulting in an experience of shifting and vibrating mind stuff in space. The special states themselves were used as an enhacement, making rigpa even stronger and more integrated. As a result of seeing the special states as liveliness of awareness, they intensified even further. I could only gasp in awe at this spectacle, my eyes opened so wide, they were almost bulging out of their sockets. The view was liveliness of awareness.[1]

Another shift of view took place, now the lively appearances and the ground from which they arose fused together or more accurately put, the difference between them was seen to be nonexistent. All senses started to integrate, no diffrentation between body sensations and seeing. Arising thoughts and mental images hovered in space, translucently merging with translucent seeing. Ordinary mind was completely gone and awareness was nakedly looking itself through the mirror of awareness. The exprerience of the senses as a whole happened simultaneously in a way I had never known before. The distance between arising fabric of appearances and the knowing of it was zero. The visual field danced with energy, light and movement. This was the view of liveliness-of-whatever.

If I thought I already knew from practicing the view of liveliness of awareness what self-liberation means, then this was something beyond. According to the dzogchen philosophy, if the view is set correctly, the mental engagement with the experience is cut at the early stages of information processing. That is how it felt, the dropping of the mental engagement with the ’objects’ left them stainless  and thoroughly impermanent to the point of non-existence, like drawing on water. Arising thoughts not obstructing it in any way whatsoever. As a result of this feature of self-liberation, there was nothing to do, except to leave everything be as they are. As a result of that view, something new started to happen to this body mind continuum.

Bodily sensation aspect started to intensify considerably. Soon the sensations became rivers of pure emotional energy with surprising rapids and waterfalls that made by body rock and shake. Different emotions flowed through so fast I did not have time to identify them. Some were accompanied by millisecond long flashes of disconnected images I mostly did not recognize. Men fighting with spears, a cave, a small child or a baby, birds flying, someone dying, maybe it was me, and so forth it went. I was sobbing, crying, smiling broadly, in pain, in agony, feeling compassionate, happy, possibly at times the full spectrum of emotions in one minute. My body arcing violently as the spasms of crying or emotional pain swept over me, breathing in short gasps and panting like machine gun fire. I let it all be with no interference. It was cleaning, painful and amazing at the same time. When the sit ended I was wiped clean, hard drive erased, empty and completely relaxed. My face was thoroughly wet from tears (and snot) that had also flowed down to my shirt. It did not matter.

According to my teacher, this way of practicing the view of Leaving alonness opens up of groundless ground (kun gzhi) or storehouse consciousness where all the karmic seeds of this life and all the previous ones are stored and if conditions are right, large chunks of them can be released. Until the whole thing is empty, at the end of this path.

I don’t know about the philosophical part, however the effect of the practice was profound. Like someone had rearranged my entire energy system and the mental continuum. Since then the awakened perspective has been always right here with all these views and aspects, easily accessible and to be integrated with my everyday life.

I feel that the words I just wrote do no justice to the experience of intensity, power and full splendor of awareness the way it was shown to me, but perhaps those who have walked the path before can recognize some aspects by reading this description.

[1] ”Now, there what is known as ‘effulgent rigpa’ or ‘rigpa as energy[2]’ comes into the picture. Effulgent rigpa is rigpa that arises from the ground, and as appearances of the ground.”

Dalai Lama, Dzogchen, The Heart Essence of the Great Perfection, p. 176

[2] Effulgent rigpa – rtsal gyi rig pa

Mahamudra and Dzogchen Retreat Part I: Luminosity

The cumulative effect of Mahamudra concentration meditation made the mind very transparent, focused and vast. This together with the instructions made me very aware of something that was contantly interrupting the steady flow of awakened perspective for very short moments. In rigpa the awareness is having the totality of awareness as a focus with zero localisation in space, but that was constantly being intruded by mind tendency to suddenly surge toward something seen, heard or thought of. This break up clearly introduced momentary duality, which kept the state from deepening further. Another development was finding a new gate to awakened perspective. So far I had always been getting it through the gate of non-localisation. Now the lucidity or clarity of awareness made itself known, which helped a lot with the aspect of rigpa I had been working on, appearances, the liveliness of awareness. With the new finding, the luminous, vivid and lively aspect started to come forward at all times and I found rigpa becoming stable during my off the cushion practice. Although the particularisation was still running loose, I could now use the view of lively appearances to hold rigpa for longer intervals without falling off. Everything started to become bright and translucent. I went for a walk early in the morning and my whole experience started to lose solidity. Shining spectacle of buoyant awareness, crystal clear building blocks of lucidity. I was mesmerized by this ”clear light river flow” [1] and it felt odd that I wasn’t able to pass through the walls. Or at least see through them. This was perhaps the most vivid experience on the special state of luminosity I have had. I usually experience a lot of the other two, non-conceptual stillness and bliss, but now I had all of them together. Because of the interest of the mind in these states, they were particularised as something distinct from awareness and therefore became a hindrance for a while. [1] from The Profound Definitive Meaning, a song by Jetsun Milarepa